Last Entry…

Hi Friends,

Last weekend, someone complained to my BFF that I “smeared” her reputation and backstabbed her in my blog. I totally went “WTH!!!” It was not cos I’m shocked that the “someone” read my blog; I was totally disgusted because there was nothing in my blog that “smeared” her reputation — What I said is the TRUTH and FACT! So what is the smearing about?! My entry din even talked ab0ut my opinion of her and no personal attack was targeted at her, I really dunno what is the big fuss about!

If that “someone” cannot take what I wrote, then dun read it lah! It’s not as if I gave her my blog add and I purposely ask her to read. It’s she who dunno got the link from where. But since she chose to read, then that’s too bad loh.

And hor, pls… This is what blogging is about. This is my blog, so I can write whatever I want – my most honest opinion, my deepest feelings, practically everything I want to say. If I want to say something shallow like “Oh, I met some wonderful people in the fairytale land and we all live happily everafter”, why should I even bother to write it in my blog? Who do I want to bluff? myself ah? Plsssssssssss….

Define “smearing” – Say a cow is a dog; or say a cauliflower is a broccoli; or say a stapler is a puncher.

If I say a cow is a cow, say a cauliflower is a cauliflower and say a stapler is a stapler, then it is not smearing of reputation. CLEAR-CUT! No doubt!

I think the most ridiculed thing is that she din say she come to noe abt it cos she read my blog loh. Supposed it’s so that she can continued to fish infor from it. So sneakish.

Which is why I decided to abandon this blog. I simply dunno why I have to share my blog with someone who is constantly on the lookout on what I said, so that she could use it to attack me and disturb my BFF.

FYI, my blog is for my FRIENDS to know how I am lately, for sharing of jokes and feelings. Not for some ridiculed women to use it as a weapon and fish infor. She thinks my blog is an ocean of fish ah?! Plsss…..

For people who know me, I seldom have such extreme feelings for someone. But when it comes in terms of privacy and using of it to disturb me and my friends, I totally cannot stand, even a pinch of it! So friends, I’ll update u all when my new blog is ready.

最近有点Blue

最近，状态不是很好。整天觉得很累，提不起精神作任何事。工作懒懒散散的；运动总是拖延；不想作任何新的活动；回家后就瘫在沙发，不想动。

听我的同事说，她得产后忧郁症时，也是这样的。难道我…..??

哈哈，应该不是的。只是，人生过了一些时候，会发现你要的东西不再一样了。或许更多，或许更少。它会催促你重新寻找你人生的重量。

人生很短，也很长。短的时候是，你没有时间去完成你的一千零一个愿望；长的时候是，你没有期待，没有愿望，没有目标，你只是在单纯地等待时间过去。

无欲无求是最崇高的，也是最可怕的。你不贪不偷不抢，因为你不知道有那么多钱，可以做什么。可是，没有欲望的你，也不知道活下去是为了什么。

人生的意义永远不简单。最近我一直在思考这个问题，思考着我要什么，思考着我的未来方向。

我想要做的事很多 — 我希望我的生活多姿多彩，我希望我可以充满自信，我希望可以走遍全世界。另一方面，我又希望可以安安静静，平凡地过我的日子。两种极端的生活，让我常常很不明白自己。

身体里有个惰性，阻止我前进。天啊! 真的很厌倦现状…

可能是因为我没有目标、没有动力吧? 连减肥，我都一拖再拖，不愿面对现实。

但有件事很想做 — 就是要多陪陪我的长辈们。时间过得真的很快，意味着她们正在快速地变老。虽然不愿去想，但我其实还有多少日子可以陪她们呢?

不想复杂，但惊觉人生真的简单不了。

不想烦恼，却只能感叹人生怎能无忧无愁。

It was a “something-is-missing” weekend (Part III)

Sunday – one day after my bday

My bday has gone passed and it was just like any other day.  Bday is getting more and more insignificant as you grew older. I started to dislike my bday, not cos I feel more and more pressured to get hitch, but I reli dun like the feeling that time rockets and I have done nothing. Practically nothing.

Morning, went to sing KTV with tata and Angel. Haha, finally get to hear the familiar Angel singing again. We sang and ate lunch, updated each other. Congrats to Tata! She was granted a secondment to US! Sooo happy for her. But sad for myself that I’m still stuck in Singapore. When can I fly out like a bird?! Like the rest of them?! Sianz.

Cos I was tired (slept only 3 hrs last night), I went home early to take a nap, but promised to meet angel again some time this week. Guess I’m really exhausted by the weekend partying, I fell asleep almost immediately.

I woke up and watched my 家好月圆大结局。But quite disappointed by it. I think everything happened too abruptly. Like the love between 阿卡 and 阿月, I dun even recall when did they develop? I was expecting some trigger point which transforms their relationship from siblings to couples. Maybe some 爱的表白 in some romantic setting. But nope, they just sat on the sofa and he gave her a teddy and TALA!~ they are together.

嘉美 also. She suddenly became guilt-stricken and decided to expose 红姨during the reporter’s conference? No hints or story development to show the audience her menal state of becoming more and more guilty. Nope. Too abrupt. Then, 阿圆, just went up the stage to hug her and forgive her as if they have been deeply in love for a long time. But actually, they only know each other for 3 months and I really can’t tell how deeply in love they are from the development of the story.

But I do like the story between 管家仔and阿秋。They are so sweet and 阿秋is so nice as to plot to return the shares to 荷妈。Even though it was a happy ending between 管家仔and阿秋, that both are 帅哥美女, so compatible, you can’t helped but wonder how realistic is it that the gal choose some 做饼仔 over a doctor? Ok, forget about that and enjoy the sweetness between them. Bosco is just a very extra side lead, we can forget about him.

Sa姨 is cute as well and you will really pity her when she exposed 嘉美 even though it means losing her only daughter. You hate her at the beginning and you’ll love her at the end.

But how come everyone is so forgiving to those who have hurt them and to those who have taken advantage of them? This is one mystery in the drama. 荷妈is like the great hero of the show, no matter how people hurt her, she can endure and forgive. No matter how devastated the situation is, she can just managed. Her children took after her. They endure no matter how much people wronged them. Like 阿月, who has to keep quiet about the wrongs that 嘉美 have done to her, even when people said that she is stupid or what; when the bad guys are even speaking of 风凉话。

阿庆and中仔 are obviously the 2 big side leads of the show, which is why their stories only constituted 1 or 2 episodes. But the one who have really shone is 阿秋。I like her in the show, cos when she cried, she really acted like it’s so painful. Yet, her crying style is not those “I-must-act-strong-even-though-I’m-crying”, it’s those “温室小花” crying style. So pitiful.

The ending is cliche. But I guess it’s just a heavily sponsored show to please the majority of the audience. That is why it is so cliche and no bad things or even any遗憾in the show.

During dinner time, Tallie called. She and D went down to ktv pub again. Haiz!~ This gal has been frequenting the pub so often that I wondered if she holds any shares in the pub. Anyway, really hope she can find other healthier hobbies and buck up in her work. Life is short and flew pass in a drifty.

Even though my weekends seems eventful, but I still feel that something is missing and I dunno what is missing. Somehow I feel that I will be happier watching HK drama in my house alone than spend it in the pub with a bunch of strangers. There is a part of me which is not filling up and I can do nothing about it.

I dun like complications, I prefer simplicity. So, I try not to think about such philosophical questions too much and too often. It can never go wrong with wishing my today happier than yesterday. Hope that everyone around me will be happy always!

It was a “something-is-missing” weekend (Part II)

Saturday – My bday actual day

Woke up at around 9am, though yesterday only slept at 3.30am. It’s the liquor. I always can’t sleep well if I drink the previous night. It was just like any other weekend.  Though I woke up early, I simply nua on the sofa and watch TV or my HK drama.

I watched 家好月圆 in that morning. It was getting more and more exciting towards the end and I purposely leave the ending episode till the day after, so that I can enjoy it fully. 

看见管家仔和阿秋分手，真的觉得很可惜；看见阿卡患上心脏病。觉得很可怜；看见红姨的绝情和不择手段，真的很恨她。虽然，高潮一直都有，但是有些故事情节，真的很无聊，很没有道理和交代。

Around 3-4pm, I went to orchard with Miss Sunflowers before we went to Geylang with my Sec and JC friends to eat 永和豆浆。Miss Sunflowers was feeling a bit blue and negative lately, but heng she has me =). She always feel better after meeting up with me, hehe. Anyway, as usual, we chit-chat a lot. About life, work, friends etc.

Recently, she’s ultra enthusiastic. She emailed me some events organized by Love byte and invite me to go! Really shocked by her sudden enthusiastic, but I’m also happy about her enthu in life. However, I was not very interested. Because I still remembered Tallie told me something about those guys who went SDU, which stayed in my heart for a long long time.

She said she observed in one of their outing that some guys are really weird-looking. It’s ok, but what I can’t stand is that they were actually critisizing the gals! Complaining how come certain gals dressed like that, so weird and how come certain gals look like that,  so unkempt.

I think it’s ok if you are not good-looking or you are short or what, but it is definitely not ok when you are not pretty even in your heart! Judging people so shallowly when I’m sure they wun like people judging them using the same way!

Ok, back to my geylang trip which is an attempt to walk down my memory lane. We met at Kallang MRT and decided to walk. Based on my memory, the stall is somewhere near Kallang MRT. However, after we walked and walked and walked, we realised that it has moved. After several enquiry with the passerby, we finally found the shop! It was nearer to Aljunied MRT station, near Lor 27A (i think).

Really grateful to my group of JC and sec sch friends, who brave sweat and endure heat of the sun to accompany me to eat 豆浆. We chit chat a bit while eating our 豆浆. Everyone is as usual, single still single and attached still attached. We were complaining that we received far too many wedding invites these few years that it has become kinda out of hand. Perhaps, I should set a budgeted fund for such costs…

After that, we initially planned to go Balestier to eat 肉骨茶。But I’m worried that I might not be able to meet Tallie on time, so I decided not to go. Before I go off, we were discussing a question that I asked them earlier on. Have they ever wondered that they will one day die as a spinster?

Sorta to my expectation, all singles said yes. They believe there is always a possibility that they will remain single for life. I wondered — will I ever meet someone who gives me a different answer? Someone, who no matter how many failed relationship that she has gone through, relentlessly believe that 幸福will fall on her one day?

Perhaps, after dealt with so many blows of reality, gals at our age are forced to abandon the fairy tale dreams. Marriage is no longer always sweet and all couples no longer lived happy everafter. When assessing the potential other half, we no longer dream of spending our life with that love of our life. To be able to find that someone who is eligible, is good enough.

Practical. Realistic. Down to the earth.

Of course there are exceptions to this, but we are merely the rule. How can we dream further?

我对鞋子有一种惯性。要找到一个又漂亮，又舒服，又可以配你所有衣服的鞋子，真的很难。所以，我一旦找到一个合我心水的鞋子，我会天天穿，每天穿。我的鞋子因为这样，很容易就会被磨坏。但是，鞋子一旦坏了，我不会再去买同样的款式。就算因为这样，我要穿一双我不是很满意的鞋，我都不会。不知道为什么。

男人就像鞋子一样。要找到我合意的，真的很难，而且越老越难。曾经我以为我找到，可是它们全都坏了。不能长久，只好丢弃。但是，也和鞋子一样，我不会再喜欢同样的人。我只是不想再喜欢同样的人，然后有同样的结局。

Met Tallie at Raffles place and she was late. However, sweetly, she gave me a bday cake and a top , so that I can go cheong-ing with her. Haa! Nevertheless, we went to that same old KTV pub instead of cheong-ing. It was the same old singing, drinking, playing finger guessing game etc. Just that this time round is the celebration of my bday, so there is a cake to start with.

I remembered I asked the waitress to just put one candle. But when the cake came, it was full of candles! Damn! Shock of the night. After that, while playing games, I drank quite a bit and felt quite 辛苦。So I went out to puke. It has been quite a while since I drink till I puke. I promised myself I will never let myself drink till like this anymore. My life is just too short to be spent on puking. Yucks!

After a while, Tallie said that she saw a friend. So I just went over to ask him if he is her friend. Yes, indeed, they know each other. Let’s call him…Mr. Specs. Mr. Specs is younger than us, but according to Tallie, he is very smart de. But hmmm, she’s doing it again, trying to intro guys to me, even though that guy is really not my type. Anyway, we played poker together, chit chat a bit.

Think he was a bit drunk towards the end of the game, so he sat closer to me, like side-by-side. But he was still decent, otherwise I would have thrown him one tight slap liao. He asked for my number at the end of the night. I’m really not interested in him, but then I think he’s Tallie’s friend leh, so can give my number as a friend bah. Initially, I was giving excuse that my phone is in my bag and my bag is quite far away (aka beside Tallie), so I cant take down his number. But Tallie just passed the bag to me, saying “very far meh?”. Wah lau! Sianz.

Anyway, after Tallie and I ate supper, we went home. I was feeling sleepy and fell asleep while talking to Tallie. Haa! After I went home, I drifted off shortly. But I do remember my date with Angel and Tata the following day.

Yup. Angel came back to visit us! Haha, good to see her!

TO BE CONTINUED TML…

It was a “something-is-missing” weekend (Part I)

27 Mar 08 – Eve of my bday

My colleague treated me to Thai Express for lunch. Nothing really fantastic except for the mango glutinious rice, which I really love! I took a half day leave after that and went home to take a nap.

Met Tallie at the ktv pub at night and she ignored me most of time leh (after that she said that cos she was quite sei then). Felt bored then, the same old drinking, singing, finger guessing etc etc etc. There was no one to entertain me except Tallie, cos most of the pple there are her friends. But when she’s sei, no one entertain me loh.

There was Mr. W (Butterfly’s friend) who was left on the shelf as well, so I jio him played poker since both of us bored. But he was quite….weird. Dunno, maybe I dun understand his way of playing poker bah. 

Anyway, he was suppose-ed butterfly’s fling. But butterfly was too busy paying attention to Mr. $. Thus, he was left alone even though it was butterfly who jio him down. Mr. $ was a bit scared of butterfly, after he know of butterfly’s interest in him. Mr. $ seems more interested in Tallie than her. He likes to chit chat with Tallie and told her his life story.

Tallie and gals were quite pissed with butterfly heavily colored character towards guys and feel unjust for Mr. W. But Mr. W seems to take it well, he dun seems to mind at all. See? He’s WEIRD!

After butterfly and Mr. W left, my lack of entertainment made me chit chat with Mr. $. He’s married, but likes to go to pubs and get to know gals. I asked him if his wife knows about it. He said she knows, even before they are married. But he carries on with his act and his wife continue to hang on to the marriage. Btw, they are newly-wed, not like those who got married for a very long time and got bored of it.

I felt very amused and he carried on his story. He said that he is constantly in relationships, out of his marriage. Flings, mistress, part-time etc etc etc. But he claimed he’s different, cos he never hide the fact that he is a married man, yet women flocked to him like bees to honey. He seems to want to justify that he’s actually not a bad guy, which is why he explained things like this and it highlighted a fact that 男人贱 and 女人犯贱.

Anyway, it failed to convince me. Infidelity is something I can’t endure. And why those women endure remain a mystery to me. I asked him, why get married if you want to carry on with your relationship”S”. He gave me a very truthful answer – he said that cos everyone is selfish and everyone needs a home to go back to at the end of the day. That is why his marriage became a shelter for him at the end of the day.

Wonder how long is his wife going to endure? I truly believe that no women is generous enough to share his husband with the gals out there. I guess that the wife stayed on believing that she can change him. But from the look of it, he is not going to change into anything less than the one she met before they got married. Some women are just so 看不开. Do we pity them or think they deserve it? I wonder…

The night passed very boringly. Nearing the end of the night, #36 came down. He is the guy that Tallie wanted to intro me (supposedly).  He looks quite decent and accordingly to Tallie, should be quite rich since he stayed in Bishan area. He just came down for a while, drank a glass of tequila mix and said that he needs to leave soon as he has to work the following day.

After that, he sent Tallie and me home. Tallie was quite sei, so she slept in the mini-van. I was half asleep and upon nearing our area, I woke up and realised that he exited via Ave 12. So, my logic is: Since he has exited via Ave 12, he should be sending Tallie home 1st, followed by me. Because from the exit, it takes about 5 mins to reach Tallie’s place whereas it’ll take about 15mins to reach mine.

So, he asked me:

#36: Where is the place?

Me: (thinking: he meant Tallie’s address bah) XXX drive.

#36: Erm…

Me: U mean mine or Tallie’s place?

#36: (softly) Your address.

Though puzzled, I gave him my address and he sent me home 1st. After that Tallie called me when I reach home cos she wanted to make sure I reach home before they moved off. I replied her telling her that I think #36 has something on.

Haiz, fancy Tallie wanted to intro me #36 when he obviously has something for Tallie liao. Just dawned on me that guys always have a motive for doing something. The fact that he went down just for a while and subsequently drove her home are proof that he has something for her. Come on la, who will willingly become someone’s chauffeur? Furthermore, he purposely came down to meet her, 难道 he did that just to because he wanted to be friendly ma? He PURPOSELY went down so that he could send her home loh. And guys usually did that to please the gals they want to chase. No doubt.

But Tallie dun think he is her cup of tea, cos he seems too 乖. But as Tallie’s friend, I think he is quite eligible and nice,  Tallie should get together with more of such guys ma. I’ll much prefer him to the rest of Tallie’s potentials.

I told Tallie the following day my thoughts on this #36 and she dismissed it saying cos he was her friend; cos more on the way when he drives home etc etc etc. But I dun really buy it. I still think he has that something for Tallie, which explains everything.

And if #36 is interested in Tallie or I sensed that he is, I wun categorise him in my potential list. I think 1st impression really matters, why would I even have 好感for someone whom I deemed is more interested in my friend than me? — [This para is for Tallie, dun even try to matchmake him and me anymore k?]

TO BE CONTINUED TML…

Video game-like dream

最近都很累，因为追家好月圆而迟睡。昨晚睡得很不安稳，作了个很 drama 的梦。

梦见一大群人，有姑妈、管家仔、表姐、表姐夫等等。我们走在路上，好像是要去某个地方。然后，我说我要去找Miss Sunflowers，一会儿就回来找他们。我和 Miss Sunflowers 见面后，聊了一会儿，就到时间回去找他们了。

在回去的途中，街上突然一阵恐慌。原来是那些妖怪要攻击我们了。我很紧张，想尽快和大家会合。尽管我们一直有通电话，但就是一直找不到他们的所在地。突然，我看到前面挤了一大堆的人。基于新加坡人的 “怕输” 心态，我也挤上去看个究竟。

原来他们在卖 Angel Ride 的票。我听那个小贩说，因为有不少的妖怪是会飞的，所以搭地铁比较安全。不然，走在街上很容易被它们叼走。Angel Ride 就是地铁的一种了。有$3.90和 $5.90的(我已经忘了它们的分别了)。然后，我打电话给管家仔，想问他大家需不需要买，要买几张票。

电话通了之后，他哭哭啼啼说姑妈生病了，他很担心。我听了也很担心，但是我还安慰他说没事的，我就快回来了。后来，发现我忘了问他需要买几张票。我就只好一次过买20个人的票。就在这时，另一个小贩出现了。她说原来的那个小贩是骗子，因为每买5张票应该送一张票，而且还有纪念品送的。很好笑，她出现的pose就像是在拍广告一样，手里的票摊开来像 poker cards，而纪念品就是video game的cards.

后来我就醒了。真的太无聊了。但是很开心，因为梦见了管家仔。哈哈!

逛了一圈

我回来了! 周末去了广州参加我表甥的婚礼，体验一下中国的婚礼。婚宴真的很热闹，尤其我的表甥那么搞笑，讲话那么油腔滑调，哄得我的姑妈表姐很开心。

星期五

抵达广州，我的表姐夫(新郎的爸爸)来接我们。广州的空气真的很糟糕，路上灰尘多得像雾(haze)。喝那里的水，感觉又很热气，几天的时间喉咙就有点不适了。还有，我们住的地方(细姑妈家)蚊子就多得不得了。只是打了一个钟头的麻将，我的脚就有10多个地方被蚊子咬得红肿。稀奇的是，我姑妈家在28楼，蚊子竟然还飞得上来，我的妈呀! 还有，我的脸可能对那里的空气和水敏感，竟在三天长了四粒痘痘! Sadz!

因为我前一晚彻夜没睡，在飞机上又睡不好，所以到了姑妈家时，我已经很累了，所以就在她家里睡午觉。姐姐和老豆则下楼逛逛。晚上，我们去一个叫私厨的餐馆吃饭。可能因为是第一餐，所以很丰富。有鱼翅，东坡肉，皇帝蚌，芋头鸭，白煮鸡，还有多两到三道我忘记了的菜。可能太兴奋了，所以我忘了拍照，不能和你们分享，哈!

吃饱后，发生了一个小插曲。当我们坐着表姐的车回家时，表姐夫打电话来问表姐有没有什么事。表姐就觉得很奇怪，怎么他们突然问我们有什么事呢? 我姐这才发现她忘了把钱包带走，而钱包里有她所有的钱和手机。表姐夫和姑妈还捉弄我姐说钱被偷走了，只剩下证件。姐姐还很淡定，说钱被偷也没有办法了。原来，钱包是被酒楼的小姐拾到，而且她还原封不动地把它送还给我姑妈，钱完全没有少。之后，我们打电话表扬那位服务员，而把这件事当作笑话来笑我姐。

回家后，我姐，我，表姐和姑妈就开始玩广州麻将。但，我太累了，所以玩的时候，心不在焉，结果输钱了。

星期六

一早起来，就开始准备一天的行程。我和姐先到购书中心逛，之后和姑妈表姐剪头发，然后才去婚宴。

购书中心在天河路附近，有7层楼高。通常我只去第三楼，卖小说的地方。因为时间很紧，所以我匆匆选了6本书后就飞快地去和姐会合。但是很开心买了这些书，而且都比这里的便宜一半呢。As usual, 我搞掂后，我姐还在慢吞吞的。会合后，我姐在那里的starbucks买纪念品。之后，就赶回家了。

回家后，姑妈正要去沐足(aka 脚底按摩)，我们就跟着去。听我表姐夫和姑妈说，那里的师傅手艺很好，被他们按摩之后就会飞。但是我的师傅手艺就麻麻，只会用力又不是很舒服。之后，我们就赶场，坐表姐的车去她熟悉的理发院弄头发。

我不敢在那里剪头发，所以只洗头和吹头发。听说，帮我吹头的是那里的第一把交椅，可是还是很便宜，只收RM20。我姐就在那里剪头发，剪了一个斜刘海。她的师傅很用心， 但是还是剪不到我姐要的感觉。因为时间关系，我姐还是将就地付钱走了。那位师傅是第二把交椅。我姐又剪又洗又吹，总共只收RM59。真的很便宜!

婚宴5点就开始迎宾，我姐和我就到处走走，等着入席。当我们聊天的时候，老豆突然走过来，说本来想带我们去一个地方，但是没有时间。他说以后如果他去世，就要把他的骨灰撒在他要带我们去的那个地方。可能人老了，都难免会想到这些事。或许他害怕自己会和姑丈一样，突然就离开，来不及留下任何的遗言。

想到这些，难免觉得很灰。虽然不想面对，但人生老病死，乃不可抵抗的循环。有人结婚，组织新家庭、新未来；有人人生走到了尾声，每天想的是，可不可以看见明天的日出。

回到婚礼，场面很热闹。看见很多的亲戚，有些甚至是没有见过的。大家玩玩闹闹，就过了一个晚上。新郎官是我的表甥，他很油腔滑调，但是一个孝顺儿子。他的妈妈，姨妈，老婆全都被他哄得团团转。喜宴上，他又很主动，又亲老婆(French kiss哦)，又说多感谢老妈姨婆等等，很会讲话。

星期天

今天又是赶场的一天，因为我们要去拜祖先。拜拜之前，我们去了我们祖先以前的住宅 — 清晖园逛逛。据说，我的大姑妈小时候甚至有在那里住过。后来家道中落，我家族的光辉不再，我的阿嬷姑妈们之后就过着平民百姓的日子。

逛的时候，想起我们的历史，真的觉得人生如梦。就算曾有多灿烂，但陨落之后，还不是和大家一样? 无谓把过去一直挂在嘴边，现在开心才是最重要的。就像我的姑妈表哥姐们那样，现在生活得不错，过去多光辉不再重要。

后来，我们到宝莲寺拜祖先。拜祖先的仪式不是很隆重，只是烧些纸包裹、上柱香、倒些酒就完成了。比较烦恼的是我们拜完后，竟没有餐馆开饭(因为通常2pm 就关午市了)。结果，我们得自己回家煮饭吃。不过也好，我们回家玩了一个新的poker game, 叫牛牛，是大家最喜欢玩的game. 就连我的三个姑妈，都很迷这个游戏呢。

晚餐又是吃大餐，到 “头啖汤” 吃饭。因为我们坚持请大家吃饭，所以又得和我的表甥上演了一场武打戏，哈哈。我想这是他们的习俗，一定要和客人争付钱，而且争得越激烈越有面子。那么久了，我仍很不习惯，那么麻烦干吗?

晚餐有清蒸虾，九肚鱼，螺，酱油鸡，流沙包，一些青菜，烧肉，还有多3道菜我忘了。吃饱(撑)后，我们就到表甥的新家参观。他的家挺小的，大概是两房式吧。但两个人也算刚刚好了。还有我的表甥媳，我觉得挺好的。虽然外表不出众，但感觉是个很善良的，不会欺负人的人。

不过，我表姐不是个很好相处的人。虽然她对我们和家人都挺好，但对媳妇她就很挑剔。想想我的表甥媳，我觉得不错了，但是她就嫌他们周末只顾拍拖而没有在家帮她煮饭。嗨~ 婆媳间，还是有一道墙的。

回家后，我们就和姑妈聊天。突然，我姐就问姑妈是否亲戚(X小姐)和她老公(Y)的感情不好，因为她刚刚好像感觉到他们要吵架。X和Y结婚大概10多年了，儿子都11岁了。看得出两个人都很疼他们这个儿子。虽然过去三天他们没有常常黏在一起，但我并没有感觉到他们的感情有问题。

后来，我姐就说她不知从哪里听来，说Y一直在外面有女人，令X很生气，所以他们感情一直不好。有一年，X为了报复，竟然和一个比她小10岁的男生在家…，然后被Y撞到。这一发不可收拾，差点要离婚，唯一的顾虑就是儿子。后来，双方家长和长辈坐下来了解撮合，他们才打消这个念头，再在一起。

我听到真的很震惊。因为我印象中的X是很好的人，而且她一点也不像是这么想不开的人。我还问姑妈，我姐说的不是百分百真的吧? 姑妈却说这是千真万确的，让我觉得很灰心。男人在外玩女人真的很平常吗? 为什么感觉女人一直处在下风? 就算为了报复和另一个人在一起，也没有真正的快乐。

现在，X已和那个男人没有关系了，但据说Y仍然和外面的女人没有断。因为XY两个人都很尊重我姑妈，所以当我姑妈在的时候，他们就乖乖的。但是，我姑妈去美国的那一个月，X就和我姑妈哭诉，说Y乘着姑妈不在，和那个女人去澳门玩。还有点怪我姑妈当初为什么劝她不要离婚。而Y也说X在姑妈在的时候才比较乖。

姑妈认为婚外情双方都有责任。虽然X很聪明，但自尊心很强，不但不打理家务，又常常出去夜店玩。直接和间接地制造两夫妻的空间，也给了外面的女人机会。当初，姑妈是劝X如果要离婚，就要有一个人出去闯的勇气和准备；如果不要，那就得好好留住这个家。结果，X选择了后者。现在，他们两个人关系仍是那么僵，真的感觉很难维持了。不知我下次回去，还会看得到Y吗?

星期一

7am就起床准备去飞机场。表姐夫很有心，虽然他要上班，但还是载我去机场。送别时，表姐和表姐夫就一直叫我快点找男朋友，然后结婚就可以请他们过去喝喜酒。我只可以说: “哦，找到就结婚咯。如果结婚，还会一年前就通知你们。” 然后，他们就 “卡，卡，卡” 地笑。

然后，我就入闸，往新加坡飞去了。回去是又喜又 “显”；喜的是终于可以回家了，”显”又要开工了。

Chit chat 随想

Last night met Tallie for dinner. As I arrived early, so I went Popular while waiting for her.

At dinner, we talked about the old days, about her friends, about new friends etc. It was a nice chat up. But I was most proud of her that she practised self-control when her friends jio her to drink. Good work and keep up!

Sometimes I wondered — 为什么有些人要结婚呢? 如果结了婚还是和单身一样，每晚喝酒享乐，和不同的妹妹打交道，那么结婚的意义在哪里?

在那个地方，看到一些男人每晚报到，每晚喝酒玩乐，仿佛没有任何牵挂。但是，他们大多数其实已经结婚了。我想: 那他们的老婆呢? 待在家里不管她们的老公吗?

真是的… 如果这样，那就不要结婚啊。不然，复杂的关系会很乱的 — 好像哪个有夫之妇和哪个有妇之夫在一起，哪个有夫之妇和他的临时男友在一起，哪个有妇之夫和他的干妹妹有什么暧昧。

太复杂了，不是我的脑袋可以理解的。

忠贞的关系已经落伍了吗? 好像很久没有听到天长地久了。反而，背叛、变心、多角关系比比皆是。很不愿承认，但是相依相伴、一生一世这几个字眼已经成为了旧时代的产物了。从我们这一代开始，随心所欲地换伴侣已经取代了守护一生一个伴侣的理念。不知道是好是坏。

所以，我只喜欢旧的东西。因为只有旧的东西才有我向往的那种美。

题外话

我发现自己老了很多。当身边的人说出他们的年龄时，才赫然发现他们一个个都比我年轻。怎么时间过得那样快呢? 还记得几年前，身边的人明明都是和我同龄，不然就是比我大的啊?

讨厌时间的催促。就算你可以忘记物质的享受、心灵的追求、世俗的烦恼，一生活在梦中，你也不能抗拒时间流逝带给你的现实。

最希望时间能静止在人一生中最美的时候。

让我们永远保有最真诚的笑容，最开怀的心胸，和最无忧的岁月。

“25岁后近生日忧郁症”

最近，作什么都提不起劲。可能因为我的感冒，也可能因为我的生日。总之，我就是懒洋洋的，只想发呆。

Friday

I went to the KTV pub. Din managed to see my new friend. Nevertheless, I was having fun. My sis came to join me for a while, cos she wanted to see what is so fun that I keep going down to that place nearly every weekend.

As usual, I sang, played finger games, played poker, played photo hunt and drank. It was the usual stuff, but maybe a little different. Cos there is no new people for me to meet le. When Tallie went out for breaks and I alone at our table, I feel that life in the KTV pub is so hallow. You do the same thing everytime you are there – laugh, eat, drink, talk, sing. When you wake up the following day, you can’t seems to remember what you have done there. But next day, next time, you will feel like going back again, just to spend your time.

Life is  spent so easily, so quickly — just like a lit cigarette while riding a bike on highway. The biker did not really enjoy the cigarette, but the cigarette just got depleted anyway, by the passing wind on the highway.

Oh and Tallie’s new friend, G, asked us if we are keen to go to ladies nightclub one of these days. I was so excited and curious, cos never been to one before, wonder what is it like. The only information I have is that it might be a bit ex.

Saturday

Celebration of mine and 2 other friends’ birthday with my ex-colleagues. We ate steamboat in one of the co’s house and played cards after that. The steamboat was so filling! Could feel my stomach bursting. After that, I was so sleepy, partly due to flu, partly due to food. After that I met Tallie for KTV, but the sleepiness carried forward and I fell asleep in the KTV room. In the end, only sang for 3 or 4 hours then went home to sleep.

Sunday

Resting at home. Initially, meant to go for my last pottery class. But was coughing badly after lunch, so I skipped the lesson and ask JY to help me collect whatever things if there is any.

Ate medicine, sleep, watch tv, read, sleep, watch drama, read, eat dinner, watch drama, sleep.

It was this period of time that I feel so restless and aimless. What is it I want to do? What is it in life for me? What do I want to achieve? Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. How I wish I could just sleep my life away and how I wish sleeping is my career.

空虚的时候，我喜欢睡觉。睡觉的时候，什么事情都不用想。睡一睡，又是一天了。这一个月，我特别感觉如此。可能这就是传说中的，”25岁后近生日忧郁症”? 不想去思考现实的问题，只想开开心心地过日子，可以吗?

很 sianz，昨晚睡得很不安稳。被吵架声吵醒，又半夜突然醒来，又被姐姐的闹钟吵醒。可恨的是，我醒了，我姐姐竟然还没醒!

平静了近一年，妈咪和姐姐又吵架了。总是为了同样的事情吵架，我都很累了，她们竟然还可以吵? 我真的不想管。总是各有各的道理，帮谁都不对。我只想有个安静一点，融洽一点的家，原来都很难? Haiz~~~~~

我发现我最喜欢待在家的时候，竟然是没有人的时候。那个时候才是属于我，安静的小天地。

Review: Sidney Shelton – Are you afraid of the dark?

I finished the book in 2 days. The plot is exciting and the prints is highly readable (aka big fonts and large spacing).

It’s about murder of a group of scientists around the world who worked for the same corporation. Then, widows of 2 of the scientists, who were very close to their husband, became the murderer’s next target.

It was exciting, especially when you read how 2 women out-witted the mastermind and his highly advanced technology. In addition to their wits, there is something else that always helped the 2 women to escape unscath. Sheer luck? coincidence? Most likely blessing from their deeply loved husband in the heaven.

Other than the thrills, twists and turns in the novel, one thing caught my attention. The secret that the mastermind held dearly, was his new invention to control the weather. He used it to extort leaders of various countries. If they dun give him what he wants, he will make the country “blessed” with eternal floods or droughts, resulting in billions of losses or even death.

The ending of the story – the mastermind died from his own creation, cos his brain-damaged brother pressed the wrong button.  Duhz! (Btw, it’s not a comedy. The ending seems dumb maybe cos of the way I phrase it)

Anyway, I think the more important thing is that weather modification is real and it did happened in US and Russia in the 1970s. IN THE REAL WORLD, YOU AND I LIVE IN!

Based on the afternote of the book, these 2 countries succeeded in modifying weather to a huge extent. These inventions were threats to every other countries in the world. The invention could be used as weapons in war or means of extortion. Thus, in the late 1970s, most countries (forgot which ones) signed a treaty to stop all inventions and research on weather modifications – for the better of mankind. That’s why the last note goes something like this:

“Someone said – “Do you know that there are hundreds and thousands of people suffering from weather changes and we are doing nothing about it?” Indeed and I truly hope that they are practising what they said – doing nothing about it.”

The initial purpose of weather modification could be to help people who suffered from floods and droughts due to greenhouse effect. But if the creation is not properly managed, it could become a tool to kill.

It sorta send shivers up my spine. To think that something horrible in a novel could be true in the real world, it’s sad and scary. It is a nightmare that you and I are not able to wake up.

I feel that there is always a better way to help the earth. Maybe just one less plastic bag per day or one hour less of electricity per day.

So, why not start with my birthday? 28 March 2009, shut down all electricity for just one hour, from 830pm to 930pm (I think). (Treat it as a birthday gift to me~!)

To pay tribute to the earth, just for one day, one hour.